WHEN YOUR BODY STARTS SENDING ERROR MESSAGES

Everyone gets a turn. Don’t laugh –yours may be next!

One day you’re invincible.
The next day, you “sleep wrong” and wake up needing physical therapy, painkillers, and someone to butter your toast for you.

Your warranty’s expired.

You are now the proud owner of a body that sends random error messages like it’s trying to join Bluetooth in a stranger’s SUV.

And no, it’s not just age.
Sometimes it’s lifestyle.

If you haven’t seen your toes since Bush was president (the first one), don’t act surprised when your knees start yelling:
“What the hell, man, we weren’t built for this!”

You try to bend over and tie your shoes, and it sounds like someone stepped on a bag of popcorn.
Snap. Crackle. (And was that a fart?) Oh well.

Stretching used to be optional.
Now it’s a life-saving maneuver you perform before getting out of your car.

Even then—don’t hop out too fast, Sparky!

People say things like, “Just listen to your body.”
Yeah? Mine speaks fluent Morse Code now:
HELP… KNEE… DOWN… BAD… SEND ICE…

You used to survive on tequila and pizza.
Now one Dorito after 9 p.m. gives you heartburn that feels like divine punishment.

And the injuries—oh Lord.
You used to take a hit and bounce right back.
Now you sneeze in the shower and have to cancel plans.

Do you know how embarrassing it is to text someone and say:
“Sorry I can’t make it, I sneezed too hard again. But hey, at least I was able to crawl to my phone.”

You once ran a 10K.
Now you throw out your neck trying to open a pickle jar.

Middle age doesn’t arrive politely.
It jumps you in a parking lot with brass knuckles.

• Shoulders? Clicking like bad plumbing.

• Back? Filing lawsuits against your mattress.

• Feet? Barking louder than a junkyard dog.

We don’t just age—we glitch.

And if you’re reading this thinking it doesn’t apply to you—just wait. You’re next.

The warranty is void, the parts are off-brand, and the owner’s manual is in a language you don’t speak. Welcome to ‘The Condition’.