THE HUMAN POUND PUPPY

They’ll wag their way into your inbox, then eat away your peace of mind like it’s kibble.

There I was, deep in the trenches of my 47th social media scroll session of the day (don’t judge—It’s practically cardio at this point), when I noticed a pattern.

Some folks just can’t resist posting sad, soul-sucking, borderline tragic updates about their lives. Every. Single. Day.

You know the type:

“Today was hard, but I’m stronger for it. 🥺💪 #blessedbutstressed.”

And somehow, like moths to an emotional flame, we read them.

Why? Seriously. Why? (Pause for deep reflection. OK, time’s up.)

Because we have all seen one, know one, and—brace yourself—we might even be one: The Human Pound Puppy.

You know the kind. Constantly in a state of emotional tail-tucking. Bless their hearts (that’s the Southern bless their heart, the one that always comes with a side of shade).

They post their plight like it’s a Netflix series—season after season of misfortune and heartbreak, doled out in vague, passive-aggressive updates.

Sure, our hearts ache for them (we’re not monsters), but come on!

Taking one on is like adopting a porcupine. Nice idea in theory, but someone’s going to end up with emotional puncture wounds.

And here’s the thing:

Most Human Pound Puppies? Not adoptable.

They tend to run at the first sign of stability and end up back at the same emotional shelter they came from.

They live in a loop—forever fetching sympathy but never fetching change.

Worst of all? They want you to join them in the endless rerun of their misery.

Don’t do it. Resist the urge to click. Scroll on by.

And for the love of sanity, DO NOT BRING ONE HOME!

’Cause guess what?—It’s never the end. They always come back, like bad leftovers or a toothache you thought you had licked.

Just when you think it’s safe to post a meme of your dog wearing sunglasses, BAM—there they are. Same sad eyes, sob story, and another plea for help.

So here’s the bottom line: you can’t save them, and you shouldn’t try.

Because adopting a Human Pound Puppy doesn’t make you a hero. It just means you’ve got a front-row seat to The Condition—popcorn not included.

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